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Self management

The 7 Minute Course in

Happiness

Introduction

They seek it here, they seek it there, every human being seeks happiness everywhere. The search for the holy grail of happiness consumes our lives, though we may not be aware that happiness is what we seek. It is obviously unlikely that you will find true, deep, real, authentic happiness in a seven minute course on the world wide web, (sometimes referred to as the World Wide Worry!) but here is the 7 minute on Happiness course to get you started anyway. You never know, it may just be the trigger you need, it may just give you the clues you need, to take you to your next step towards being truly, madly, deeply and constantly happy!

Insight 1: Right or Happy?

Some people would rather be right than happy. Are you one of them? You’ll know when you find yourself defending a position or an opinion in an argument. You find it impossible to climb down, let go, withdraw, concede, because you believe that would be losing, and you believe life is about winning not losing. And you cannot stand the thought of being seen as a loser. Winning equals happiness and losing equals sorrow is the inherited doctrine. But hold on a minute! The next time you are putting on Custers Last Stand how do you feel? You are certainly not at peace with your self, you are not content, there is no joy in your conversation and you are downright unhappy at the thought of losing this…battle! You’ve forgotten it’s only a conversation, it’s only an exchange of views, and somehow it’s become a life and death, survival issue. And who created all this inner turmoil anyway, who chased away happiness for the sake of a fight to the intellectual death. You did. By choosing to fight a corner you have said to the world that you would rather be right than happy. Is it ever worth it? Some say it is. This course says it’s not. In fact it just becomes a bad habit, and the absence of happiness becomes almost permanent. Time to chill and change. Winning an argument isn’t winning, it is simply the egos way of trying to convince you that you are victorious because you avoided defeat. And besides, as soon as you stop trying to win you can never lose.

• Question: With whom and in what situations do you tend to habitually find yourself standing your ground? (it’s usually with the same people, and with similar issues and situations)
  How do you feel during the process of your opinionated expression and it’s defense? (remember to defend anything means you are scared of something, and no one else creates your fear)

• Reflection: How can you see yourself responding differently in this situation so that you don’t lose your calm and your contentment? (it doesn’t mean you become a doormat)
  

• Action: Where and with whom will you practice the art of staying calm and content? Otherwise known as practising the ‘not having to be right all the time’ philosophy!
  
  
  

Insight 2: UP or DOWN

Most of the happiness in life today is UP happiness, and is closely followed by DOWN sorrow. UP happiness is usually induced by and dependent on something outside ourselves – a person, an event (my team won) or a substance. It’s always followed by a DOWN sorrow. And that’s why UP happiness is not real happiness. It’s just stimulation. It’s not true happiness, it’s artificially induced, which means it is artificial happiness, which means it can’t last, it has no staying power. Very very few people have found true, stable, lasting happiness which is why most of us live lives of UPS and DOWNS! You can choose to keep bouncing from UP to DOWN by saying that it’s normal, it’s how mum and dad lived, it’s how everyone else lives. And that’s fine, because it’s your choice. But watch carefully if you do make this choice – the DOWNS gradually become more frequent, deeper and longer, and the UPS become shorter and shallower. The other option is incredibly simple, possibly too simple if you are so accustomed to rollercoaster happiness. Simply choose to be content with whatever you are feeling at any given moment, even when you are DOWN! And choose to be content with the way things are outside and around you. Choosing this kind of contentment means not beating yourself up emotionally, and not trying to fix others mentally or verbally. If you keep choosing this contentment with what is, you will begin to experience real happiness, an inner happiness that has an enduring strength and stability. It is not a boring happiness it is a nourishing happiness. One that you can rely on – a happiness you can trust! It’s not an empty happiness, it is full. It’s not a nothingness, it is an everythingness! But you’ll never know it unless you go there…and see! And then you will be free of artificial happiness. It’s a deep one this, isn’t it?

• Question: Look at the times you have been happiest in your life – were there UPS and DOWNS – if so what were the stimulants – if not why do you think your contentment had such stability?
  
  
  
• Reflection: If you could teach your children (or any children if you don’t have a family) how to be stable in their happiness, how would you do it – what would you say to them, how would you demonstrate to them what true happiness is?
  
  
  
• Action: In what situation tomorrow could you begin to demonstrate you are always a constantly stable and happy person, content with yourself, with others and with life? (no one said you had to be perfect)
  
  
  

Insight 3: Dependent or Interdependent

The real reason why there is so little real, deep lasting happiness in the world is dependency. We are taught to make our happiness dependent on some event, condition, person, object etc. This is why we keep delaying our happiness until things are just right in our life. We think we will be happy in the future and then wonder why we are not happy now. But life is never just right, and the future never comes – there is only now! And that’s why, in order to be happy we must make our happiness a decision and not a dependency. Easier said than done, because we have just spent our life being dependent on acquiring something or someone, or seeing the result we desired, or wanting some pain to go away, before we allow ourselves to be happy. So one step at a time.

• Question: What is your happiness mostly dependent on right now?
  
  
  
• Reflection: Imagine your self without the above and that you are quite content without the above, how do you feel?
  
  
  
• Action: What can you do in your mind tomorrow to change your state of being from dependency to freedom from dependency?
  
  
  

Insight 4: Motivated Giving

Why do you go to work? To get the money to pay the bills, buy the food and clothes etc. That’s fine. But why do you want more money than you need? To buy the bigger car, the extra clothes, the holiday etc. Why? Because you think that when you get these things then you will be happy? In fact absolutely everything you do in life is motivated by the desire to be happy, by the search for happiness. And that’s because happiness is the greatest pleasure for a human being, the deepest pleasure for the human soul. And so we pursue the movie, the mate, the music and the meal because we think that’s where our happiness can be found. What we seldom notice is that the kind of happiness found at that level is very temporary and transient, very superficial and shallow. In fact it only keeps us chasing, pursuing, searching. And that’s why we never find true happiness. Happiness cannot be acquired or hunted down. So where is it? Everyone knows happiness and love are intimate companions. Everyone knows that true, authentic, real love is already inside us. You do know that, don’t you? And it’s just the same with happiness. We already contain true happiness in our heart. You already have what you seek, but you will never know it until you give it. But you already know that too don’t you?

• Question: In what ways can happiness be given to others?
  
  
  
• Reflection: Imagine you are giving happiness to others but not making them dependent on anything or anyone, including yourself, what does that look like?
  
  
  
• Action: What will you change/do differently tomorrow that will reverse the flow of wanting to take happiness from someone or something, to the art of giving happiness?
  
  
  

Insight 5: Happy Maintenance

So lets say you area little freer of dependency, and you’ve decided to be happy today, and so there you are, quite content with yourself, and the world around you. And then suddenly, out of the blue, come certain feelings for no apparent reason. Negative feelings and emotions come to disturb your contentment. What do you do? First - understand these feelings will come. They come from the past. You stored them up in your subconscious yesterday, last year, when you were a child. And they have to come out. Second – don’t fight or struggle with them. Just watch them, observe them, accept them, but don’t identify with them, they will pass with just as easily as clouds roll across the sky. And if you do that, eventually that emotion will subside and dissolve. In fact, it will have been healed. Negative feelings (emotions) come because you thought or did something negative in the past, stored the feelings for a rainy day, and here they are, disturbing your contentment now. But its fine – they only come to pass…pass….pass….

• Question: What is the most common negative feelings which you seem to have these days?
  
  
  
• Reflection: Imagine yourself welcoming the feelings, accepting them and allowing them to come and go? What do those feelings look like? (give them an image if it helps)
  
  
  
• Action: What would be the two positive feelings you would like to generate the most?
  
  
  

Insight 6: False Contentment

The way things are in your life right now are exactly the way things are meant to be. This is an aspect or insight into contentment. It could cover things like work, family, the way you spend your leisure time, right down to your routine activities and the way you arrange your life. It’s also your comfort zone, perhaps a number of comfort zones, and comfort zones are fatal. Most of the time we are not really content, more…asleep. So often our contentment is not real, it is momentary and superficial, and behind it there is a discontentment which we are avoiding. Contentment is one of the faces of happiness but it does not come easily into our being today. At this time in all our lives real contentment does not come from comfort, but from changing, learning, growing and giving. But not achieving. At this particular time we recognise there are needs which are unique to this time, which we need to meet if we are to be truly contented. There are habits (lazinessess!) which we need to change, there are deeper things (wisdom) we need to learn, there is a need to fulfill our full potential and there is a need to give of ourselves to something (service) without wanting or expecting anything in return. But first, those comfort zones, those habits of belief, thought and action which we allow to hold us trapped in perpetual discontent that sometimes feels warm and…comforting.

• Question: What are your two main comfort zones in your life today
  
  
  
• Reflection: How could you step out of these sleepy zones – what do you need to change and learn?
  
  
  
• Action: Where, with what and how will you start tomorrow.
  
  
  

Insight 7: Watching Others

It’s fatal. When you spend time watching others its too easy to become a little envious, to want what they have, to aspire to be what they are. Some say it’s good to aspire to be like someone, achieve what someone else has achieved and then, when you get there you will be happy. But it’s impossible. You cannot be someone else, you cannot find real, happiness and contentment at the moment of any achievement – a high yes – but not real stable, contentment. You can only ‘be yourself’, you can only play your own part, you can only create your own life. We want the lives of others, the achievements of others, the prestige of others, and in the wanting you will find the threads of discontent, fear of possible failure, envy and jealousy. There is actually no need to want anything outside yourself. Simply be yourself – be content with yourself, accept yourself. When you are you, then you become phenomenally attractive to others and the world will come to sit at your feet and serve your every need.

• Question: Who is it in your life that you envy or would most like to be like or attain what they have attained?
  
  
  
• Reflection: What sort of feelings/emotions come up when you are watching them or thinking about them?
  
  
  
• Action: What will you/can you do to free yourself from aspiring to be someone else?
  
  
  

(note - aspiration is not the same as inspiration – what is the difference?)

Any Questions?