7 minute courses
|
The 7 Minute Course in
Self Management
IntroductionAnd so off to school we go, and our education begins with the 3 Rs – reading , writing and arithmetic (and they were trying to teach us how to spell!) Little do they know it’s like giving skiing equipment to a mountaineer. If we are creative enough we can adapt some of the equipment to negotiate the mountain, but it is woefully inadequate to reach the mountain summit. In the same way our academic education is woefully inadequate to negotiate our way through life and find happiness, success and joy. And that’s why we all eventually have to go back to school to learn the 4 Rs, the real Rs, the vital Rs, for which we have no formal training whatsoever. Unless we learn how to understand and manage the 4 Rs life will likely be a nightmare, which is exactly what it is for many people. After all the so called revolutions in education still we have no place for a formal training and testing process on how to manage our Relationships, Responsibilities, Roles and Resources. Here is the 7 Minute Courses in Self Management and an extremely modest contribution to your life’s mission to be happy and at peace with yourself and with the world.
Insight 1: First ResponsibilityYes we do receive some formal education in how to design and carry out a task, even design a process. So we do learn how to ‘do things’. But we are not human doings, we are human beings, and everything we do springs from our state of being, but no one teaches us how to choose, calibrate and control our state of being. No one ever sits us down and teaches us how to identify our thoughts and feelings. No one teaches us how to create right thoughts towards ourselves as well as others. No one teaches us how to ensure that our attitude radiates a positive vibration into the atmosphere because that is exactly what is going to come back if we do. No one helps us to understand that how we see ourselves is the deepest influence on how we see the world, think about the world, and talk to the world, and therefore what comes back to us from the world. Our first responsibility in our life is for our self. Our state of being is the foundation for everything we think, feel and do. We however, learn to allow our state of being to be influenced by the prevailing circumstances, or others state of being. We allow ourselves to be influenced by anyone and anything and then we wonder why we feel powerless and unhappy afterwords. So the first step in true self management is to make a commitment to ourselves, to know and understand our ‘self’, and to learn how to choose our state of being no matter what is happening around us. This is no quick fix or easy thing to do. There is no magical formula, though it feels magical when you start. It is an inner process which takes time and a little dedication. It is not selfish (which is an excuse used by many to avoid making a commitment to doing the work of self change). It is ultimately a generous gesture towards others. Why? Simple. How can I care for others, have respect for others, have love for others unless I care for, respect and love myself? Look around the world today. Dwell on each and every ill, globally and locally, individually and collectively, for just a moment, and you will find a common cause of them all – a lack of self respect and self love which have their roots in ignorance of the self.
Insight 2: On Mars and Venus there are no Relationsips!But on Earth Life is Relationship, and all our relationships are our life. It is only in our relationships that we can truly know ourselves. We are a mirror for each other. What we see in others is what exists within ourselves. What we give to others at the level of our thoughts, feelings and attitudes is what we give to ourselves, and will eventually come back from others. Our relationships are the real workshop, classroom, learning laboratory of our life. Relationship is not simply getting along with others, it is an adventure in understanding, building, sustaining, nurturing and caring. Most of us get to know all this by default, or when we start to do the wrong thing or say the wrong things and we get feedback from our friends, colleagues and relatives (if they are brave enough to tell us). Every interaction carries a lesson. Every exchange is an opportunity to be creative as we give something of ourselves to others. And every communication is a message from our deepest self to the world. Our relationships today are a reflection of our life so far. They are the result of what we have given out. Take one relationship, look at it, explore it and ask yourself what does it tell you about yourself and your life so far. We need to know about ourselves, otherwise, in the context of our relationships, it will be as if we lived a life of blindness. The purpose of our life is to be ourselves, and to give ourselves, but to do that we must know and understand ourselves. Let your relationships reveal you to yourself. As you do you will naturally learn what makes relationships work, or not work, as the case may be! Forget all the categories, including mars and venus, give up making comparisons, stop watching and worshipping others. You are all you need to know right now. And the more you get to know yourself in the mirror of your relationships the more easily you will be able to understand others.
Insight 3: Role PlayingEvery day is filled with many different scenes, and in every scene we play a different role. It’s true, all the world is a stage, and all men and women merely players. If we play the wrong role in the wrong scene, at the very least we will trigger some disharmony and at most, conflict. The manager who goes home in the evening and forgets to drop the role of manager is in for a tough time. His children want a father and his wife a husband not a manager. Wrong role in the wrong scene equals eventual breakdown of marriage and family. When we understand life as a role play, we begin to see ourselves as actors; or simply the creators of actions. And that’s what life is, a creative process, an opportunity to shape our energy and express it in the most appropriate and effective way, according to the scene in front of us. In fact not only are we creators of the roles we play, we are the writers of our own life script. Ultimately there is no role you cannot play if you really want to. If, right now, you are thinking this is a million miles from your day to day experience, if right now, you feel lost and bewildered in your life with no awareness of what you are doing and why you are doing it, if right now you feel suppressed by others or your current circumstances, then know you are asleep to your potential to make your life a play, a series of chosen roles which you can play …playfully! Know you are under the influence of self limiting beliefs which can be exterminated, know that somewhere you have learned to allow others to suppress you, and know that you can wake up any time you want, be what you want, do what you want and have a ton of fun in the process. You are a natural actor who has simply learned to act unnaturally. Now its time to begin unlearning.
Insight 4: Introducing Your SelfAt least once a day, perhaps more frequently, you have to introduce yourself to someone new. But how do you describe yourself to others? Do you have a clear and accurate understanding of who you are? Do you introduce yourself by what you do, do you describe yourself by what you believe? Do you know the difference between your self-identity, I your role and your part in life? Does the following help you? Our personal identity is not what we see in the mirror, or what we do at work, or where we live or what we believe. They are all the result of wrongly learning to build our self-image around only the physical things in life. We are the conscious beings which animate the mix of five elements we call our body. We often intuitively separate these two energies in our conversations when we use terms like – human and being, matter and mind, body and soul. It is when we mistakenly identify ourselves with something that we are not, that all our individual and collective problems begin! Our self-definition is how we may choose to describe ourselves at any given moment, e.g. "I am a peaceful person", or "I am not a very good communicator" or “I’m the kind of person who always worries”. Our self-definition is liable to change according to our mood and perhaps the situation. Our part is absolutely unique. We have much more than just a ‘walk on part’ in the game of life. In one sense your whole life is your part, which can never be taken by anyone else, whereas, we play many roles. In fact, we can choose the roles we play throughout your life as you get to write your own script… if you want to. So there is a difference between identity, definition, part and role, and being clear about that difference will help you find a deeper sense of purpose and meaning in your life, free you from a great deal of stress, make your big decisions easier, and generally help you to help others to do the same.
Insight 5: Sources of ResourcesIn order to manage our roles, responsibilities and relationships we need resources. Our resources are our energies, and we have three levels of energy, or sources of resources – physical, mental and spiritual. Somewhere along the line we receive a little education in how to manage our physical energy in the form of diet, exercise, rest and relaxation, but no one tells us how to manage our mental and spiritual energies. In fact no one tells us what these energies are and how they work. There are of course thousands of books on the subject of spiritual and mental development. For three decades they have been coming thick and fast as levels of stress have risen and we have gone in search of causes and cures. And yet, there does not seem to be an increase of calm, positivity or wisdom in the world. In theory yes, there is much on printed pages, but in practice, no, there is little to be seen in action! When we learned what we had to learn in school our learning wasn’t really learning it was simply remembering. Most exams were a test of memory and that is not learning. We did not learn how to learn at the level of mind and spirit. The only way to learn at those levels is to experiment and act on what information we receive. For example we may read that it is good to always perceive and think positively about ourselves, others and the world, regardless of what is unfolding in front of us. Nice theory, which we can remember with ease, but it has absolutely no value, unless we do it. And when we do it, we quickly see it is not easy, there are inner obstacles and habits to overcome and change. And to do that we must learn methods, practice those methods and increase our own transformation. So the management of our energies at these levels has nothing to do with reading and remembering, but reading and playing, experimenting, doing…action not only speaks louder than words, it is the road to self transformation. The ideas, methods are the maps but action is the road. Our mental and spiritual energy is the fuel. The experience of inner peace and the capacity to love without condition is the destination.
Insight 6: Opportunity KnocksWhen we arrive in this life we come at a time in history where the pace of living has never been so fast and intense. We live in a world that has been shrunk and joined up by technology through its superficial modes of communication. For millions of souls it’s fine, probably heaven for them, because it’s their first or perhaps second time here, and all the toys of technology really are their toys. But for many of us older souls (and you are probably an older soul if you are reading things like this) many things just don’t add up, make sense, feel right. This is increasingly becoming more like hell than heaven for us. That eventually drives us inwards to attempt to either enhance our experience of the world, or try to work exactly what on earth is going on. Many of us will try to do this with the help of some stimulant, but that also fails to provide answers, real happiness or power. So what is this time now, what are all the signals both inside and outside telling us. First, know, understand and manage yourself. Not be better organised, not acquire better, bigger and faster things, but go inside and see the source of your life experience lies not in your external relationships but in your beliefs, values and thoughts. These are the foundation forces behind how you see the world and feel about the world. In fact the world could be going to hell in a handbasket but if you have the knowledge, understanding and wisdom to be peaceful, loving, silent and still, then you will have learned to manage yourself in a chaotic world. This is not self indulgent or escapist, it is the most important thing you can do for yourself and consequently for others. The deepest and most significant form of leadership today has little to do with leading the troops into battle, or leading the teams into the market place of competition, or even leading the nation or organisation. Leadership is the ability to help others see and know themselves, know their own values, and their value to others, and align their action with their values. It is called integrity, transparency, being egoless, humble, honest, caring, benevolent. In short, being ‘a good human being’. Short title, big subject.
Insight 7: TQM – Total Quality MindAt all times in our life, during every waking minute, we are creators of thought. Thoughts are seeds. The future is merged within our thoughts, just as the flower is merged in the seed, the blueprint of the oak is merged within the acorn. As soon as we put our thoughts into words we plant seeds in the minds of others. The law of manifestation states that if they are sustained and empowered those thoughts must become reality. This is why we have to be very careful what we say, because the more minds that give life to our words, the more powerful our thoughts become, and the sooner the reality will manifest. We see this often today when prominent figures are given the media stage and thoughts embedded in their pronouncements very quickly become a reality. The coach who says to the teams fans that it will not be so bad if the team loses, is inviting both the team and its supporters to co-create the vision, and therefore the reality, of losing. And lo and behold, it happens. Self management, which is really life management, means being aware of your thoughts and checking their quality. Are your thoughts positive, negative, wasteful, happy, loving, controlling, doubting, depressing thoughts? Watch them, assess them, change them. Your future and the future of others depends on it. And while you are learning to be aware of your own thinking, try speaking a little less. Your destiny is merged in the thoughts you create and the words you use. This may not be immediately obvious but it soon will!
|
